A Legal Matter

Something crazy came in the mail today. Something in the form of my first-ever payment check, officially sent by the California Disbursement Unit of the Department of Child Support Services, to be exact.

In 10 years, I never thought I would actually get to this day. I know to some people, it may not seem like a big deal. But this piece of green paper, which I now get to deposit into my son’s savings account, actually means a lot of different things beyond just money.

I think Chapter 2 of my long-winded Single Mother saga has just opened up. What does this mean exactly? I guess I will find out soon enough.

The number of face-to-face meetings I’ve had with my son’s father in the last 10 years can be counted on one of my hands, with fingers to spare. The last of those occasions was nearly 6 years ago, when I agreed to cancel all efforts to collect support from him. That time back in 2004 basically resulted in me agreeing to a pity plea – as his new girlfriend was pregnant with his 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or who knows what child.

I felt bad. Not for him – but for his new girlfriend, and their then-unborn baby. I was working and going to school at the time, and my son and I were doing just fine without his money. So after he begged me to drop the complaint, I agreed – thinking we were better off without having to deal with him anyway. And then we didn’t hear from him again. (Despite his empty promise to our son that he would call and try to establish a relationship.)

I heard OF him every now and then… from random people. I heard rumors that he moved out of state, then he moved back, then he supposedly got married, and had more children. I don’t know how much of that was true. To be honest, I barely cared. I was still just glad to be out of contact.

But about 8 months ago, I changed my mind. After hearing about my ex’s supposed new life with his kids, my resentment began to grow. I realized that my son deserved so much better than what he was getting from his father, and that the only thing his deadbeat dad deserved was to work extra hard to support his kids – especially mine. If my ex was out there supporting other children, then why can’t my son have a piece?

If the jerk couldn’t even be bothered to call, then my son should at least get SOMETHING out of it – regardless of my own financial situation. So that’s when I decided. I reopened the child support case, told the workers about the rumors I had heard, and let them loose. I figured it would be difficult for them to find him – he’s always been good at hiding. And I figured nothing would come of it, but I reopened the case on principle anyway.

And now here we are… 8 months later, and I get the first check in the mail. I think they found his employer and withheld money from his paycheck. I can’t be sure because I never got any warning that they even found him in the first place. For all I know, he may have even quit as soon as he saw his check was short. I wonder if he even got any warning.

But now here’s what I’m afraid of. I’m concerned about getting an angry phone call. Or even worse, a pleading phone call expressing the fact that I’m hindering his ability to support whatever family he’s got. OR, does this mean I have to be in contact with him again? What about custody? It was never a problem before because he wasn’t paying support. Now that he is, is he going to want visitation? Or even fight me in court for custody? Am I going to need a lawyer? And not to mention – how is this going to affect my son? Are there going to be more empty promises?

This is finally starting to get scary. But hey, I made this decision for the well-being of my son. And my vow is to do whatever it takes to ensure his highest possible quality of life. So that’s exactly what I plan to do – regardless of what gets thrown my way.

My guess is that the next few months are going to require some potentially-serious life adjustments. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…

Somewhere Out There

My dearest Lola,

I’m so sorry I can’t be there with you right now. I know the whole family is at your bedside at this very moment and I only wish that you’re not in any pain. I’m doing everything I can right now to hopefully make it in time.

You’ve always been the queen in my heart. With such sincerity and care, you instilled in me, and the rest of us, the importance of family – and it’s because of you that I grew up in such an incredible world filled the best kind of love anybody could ever know. Your examples and lessons in love are what helped shape me into the kind of person I am today – and what inspire me to always try and be the best I can be as time goes on. I only hope that I can be half the woman you are. That would be enough for me.

I’ll never forget those days, when you used to rock me in the rocking chair as a young child – when we still lived in Bigelow, or when you used to teach me how to cut paper dolls. Or when we used to sit on the couch and watch An American Tail over and over again because it was my favorite movie. You always did love that song (and that’s not something I’ll ever forget).

For as long as I can remember, you’ve always been like magic to me. It was always the little things that made you extraordinary – like the way you would magically appear with a popsicle in hand whenever I was sad as a kid, even though I knew the box in the freezer was empty. Even then, I knew you had magical powers.

Then as I grew older, you were always there for me, never expecting anything in return even though you so deserved it. You were always the first to greet me “happy birthday,” (even if that meant I was getting a call at 7 in the morning). And you always came to share the exciting moments in my life – choir concerts and Fil-Am dance performances, awards ceremonies at school and ALL of my academic matriculations. And when Fran was born, you didn’t hesitate for a second to comfort me and assure me that everything would be okay. You were right.

I don’t know how you did it all these years – how you were able to bring up 12 children and aid in the care of 2 more generations… And that doesn’t even include the hundreds of lives of other relatives and friends you’ve touched in the most beautiful way. One thing is for sure, this world is a much better place because of you. And WE are all much better people because of your inspiring selflessness, never-ending patience and unconditional love.

And although I know it’s not enough, the only thing I can do now is to say thank you. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being there for all of us through thick and thin. For being strong throughout all our hard times. For supporting us in all of our endeavors (for the record, you really are the world’s #1 hockey grandma). And last, but not least, thank you for making this wonderful life possible for me and for the whole Leviste clan.

There are a million more things I wish I could say to you right now. But I’m not worried because I know that deep inside, you know what they all are. You are magic. And you are a queen. And you’ll be in my heart for as long as I exist.

I love you Lola,

Darleen

 

Pure Imagination

I haven’t really done much in the last couple of days. After my welcome program finished on Wednesday I’ve spent a lot of time at home, with exception to doing a little bit of sight-seeing, attending a local London party on Saturday night and going out for breakfast on Sunday morning. For the most part, I spent today keeping out of the rain (or what my housemate likes to call “proper English weather”). So during all this indoor time, I managed to put together a little something with collected pictures and video clips of summer. And I finished it just in time… because I actually DO have school-related stuff to do tomorrow and Thursday.

So I’m thinking that this post doesn’t really warrant a roman numeral because it’s more of a reminiscing thing than it is newly informative. Whatever… it makes sense to me.

It was a lot of fun to make, and I found myself getting lost in it and sometimes forgetting where I am. I half expected to just pick up my cell phone and call any one of you to meet up for coffee. But no worries… if anything, it kept me from feeling lonely.

Anyway here it is… enjoy!